We have returned from our second visit this year from The River. I want to share not only my pictures from this trip, but also a lesson I received about Sacred Space. I did not have a clue what Sacred Space meant until I was working with MarDrag in my ongoing lessons with her. She has taught me many, many things. Sacred Space to me is somewhere that I go, mentally, that is safe. It is the most safe space in the world. No harm, no danger, and no one else can be there unless I allow it. It is where I go to do a lot of the work I am doing on myself and where I go to pray and also send gratitude. It is mental and so it goes with me where ever I go.
However, there are places that can be sacred space that are physical and nature offers many opportunities for us to find them. The River is my sacred space where I go to recharge, find my spirit and soul, and release and heal. Often I draw upon this place in my head when I am stressed, and I have surrounded myself with photos in my office to focus on when I need to. The River is so special to me and I am so blessed that I have this to go to. I have been coming here to this spot now for many years.
The Edgewood Resort is located in Alexandria Bay. Many think of that town as a tourist trap. It is. The Resort itself sits on the opposite side of the Bay and is on its own land with a private road. It sits right on the river. The room we always get is the last room on the most distant part of the property overlooking a private cove. Most of the time we have this to ourselves as there is a pool on the property and many people do not come down this far. There is a rock ledge surrounding most of the cove. The water is gorgeous, but not really good for swimming as there is a lot of weeds. I will walk on the rocks and wade in. Most often, I walk to the back of the cove to where an old piece of dock remains. That is where I sit, with my legs in the water for hours. This spot to me is my sacred space. The River offers many beautiful spots where you disconnect with all the garbage in our lives and reconnect with what is important. It is very difficult for me to leave at the end of our stay and so with the mental images and internal feelings I create, I can bring this sacred space to me anytime I need to.
Sometimes, I figure out some pretty important things about life while I am there. For example, life is not easy and there is always something coming at you. It used to create terrible fear within me, but I have learn to become much more resilient and go with the flow. From the geese, I have learned that no matter how you fly, It is the landing that counts.
Rain will fall and there will be tough times.
But we can fly through it if we remember who we really are. There are people to support us.
The sun does come out again. Namaste.
All photos jdemeis@2014
Somehow so quickly, the summer has past. It was a cool and wet summer but the flowers loved it. I spent as much time as I could, which is never enough, sitting out and enjoying the beauty. This is my canvas and I paint in spring with my flowers. Mother Earth fills in and takes over as the summer progresses. It is the first place I retreat to when I come home and I end my day out there. This is my garden at night.
The corner of the deck
View from my chair
View of my chair
During the day I have many visitors. I also have my favorite tree named Elgin in honor of Rising Hawk. Elgin gives me great advice.
This weekend we leave for Sacred Ground. We are off to The River for a long week.
My meditation spot at the River
The suitcases are packed. However, I had to face this look all day. They know we are going. But they have their Auntie Carolyn to cuddle and smooch them up all day and every night and Uncle John, their favorite is coming over too. So they will be fine. However, I still had this face.
Two years ago I walked in to a physical therapist’s office not knowing at all what I was facing. I think back to that time in my life and it is hard to remember the fear and pain I was in all the time. It was so pervasive that I was unable to even sense how deep it was. I just lived with it. I did not know what flight, fight or freeze was and how the limbic system worked. I did not understand much of anything that was going to be presented to me in the following years. I had expectations of walking into his office and he would look at me, give me ten exercises and tell me to be on my way. “See ya next week.” I was so wrong.
Every week I would show up and like a terrified animal, I would wrap myself up as tight as I could get and almost cringe as I walked into the office or into his treatment room. I hated that yellow room. It scared me. But the daemons were all of my own making. It took months before he could even touch me to help me. Looking back it is hard to remember what it felt to be that scared all the time. It is hard to remember how hypervigilant I was all the time. I was a terrified human being whose bruises were apparent to everyone. I felt disconnected to everyone and everything. No one knows how really bad it was except John, who stood at the edge of the rabbit hole and extended his hand. It was his pulling me up to the next level that allowed me to fight for myself and ask for more help. His investment in me gave me strength and hope, something no one else had ever done for me.
Something amazing happened. I began to trust him. It was his faith in me and the courage he gave me that allowed this healing to occur. I asked to heal and I made a commitment to work on healing. My wounds were very big, some so deep that I did not even know all the pieces. Together we would eradicate the fear as they surfaced and together we would face them. I spent hours writing and sending him my thoughts; pages and pages of it. He patiently would respond with encouragement and hope. It was his hope, his light that gave me the strength to continue.
And I did continue. I found other guides who joined my crusade to aide me. I would crash and burn continually. I literally fell on my face once, but I spent hours doing face plants in a metaphorical sense. I think back and I wonder why would anyone go through something like this? Well, like the chicken, I wanted to get to the other side. We even would fight as I thought I wanted something I felt he was not providing. He was wise and knew in time I would get what I needed. Like a young child, he nurtured me and showed me that my impatience was not a bad thing but I needed to learn to trust. I still struggle with this but I am so much better.
My wheel has turned and I continue to grow. I have been blessed with a new teacher who I connected with a year ago. She has taken me places I never would have dreamed of before I walked into that small office two years ago. I write this in an effort to encourage others who are as afraid as I was to seek help and support. I am hoping someday I will pay back all that I have received by helping others find the strength to heal. I will never have the words to express the extent of my gratitude for all those who have helped me.
Tomorrow is my last scheduled visit with John. It is bittersweet because he has been such a huge part of my life. But because of his work with me, I know it is time to move on. I am hoping he will let me see him periodically.
Mr. Borden, know this: I will love you eternally. My gratitude will be demonstrated by continuing to work and grow and not falter on this quest. I know I was a challenging windmill, sir. Never doubt your power and magic as you do possess these things. My light burns bright because of your light. It will be with me always. Thank you.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about a concept I have been reading about and talking with people about. This concept is why we are here. It is the purpose of the individual spiritual journey that so many are on, including me. But I am struggling with the whole process. Well actually, the struggle is the process. The concept is our higher purpose. Everyone has one, so I am told. But it is our duty to find or figure out what that is. Oh, just to add to the mix, do not try too hard or force the issue. Oh, and do not over think it. And sadly, some people miss it completely. I do not see why this has to be so hard.
There are people out there whose energy is so magnetic and they seem so composed and sure of themselves. And because everything has a polar opposite, we all know people who are so negative and unhappy; you wonder how they get through their day. Everything for them is a painful struggle. All of this is energy from within. It is a choice also. Sadly, humans have a natural predisposition towards negativity. We are programed early on to not trust as a safety mechanism. If we did not have this awareness, the big cute fluffy cat we walked up to snuggle with would eat us. That is what lions do. We learn as we grow to trust less and less and unfortunately, we also learn to feed the negativity. The human race has been infected with a virus of hate and consumption all in the name of safety. “If I get rid of the threats, I will be safe. Therefore, I must destroy.”
For me, safety is a huge issue. I understand how it has shaped my life. I understand how and why it is hard for me to trust and feel comfortable in new environments. But I also knew instinctively that I had to find a better way to live the remaining years of my life. Our world is such a beautiful environment and I am attached to the greenness of the earth and powers of water. Gaia is such a gift. I have turned away from TV completely and rarely digest any form of reporting such a paper or magazine. Even so, I am totally aware of the destruction and evil that is growing rapidly on our planet. Yet, I am not afraid. I am drawn to help fight and save this world, even if it is only in a small manner.
Now is the time when people need to find their higher purpose. We all have a higher power to help us find what that purpose is. Now is the time to activate. Now is the time to wake up. It will be like a ripple in the water. It will start small with each gentle kindness. And exponentially it will build a powerful force to help repel the unacceptable forces that are set on destruction. In our own small circles, which may be all we can affect, the actions of love and kindness will intertwine with other small circles and connect to grow. This will help to bring balance and hope to our world. Everyone counts and everyone matters. And everyone can choose to help. We may never eradicate evil but it is time to make things better one kindness at a time.