Sunday has arrived again. This week was pleasant in my neck of the woods with warm days and cool nights. Today there will be 30 degree shift from the morning cool to the afternoon high. At least it is not snowing. My thoughts this weekend are about getting help. Some of us stubborn people think we can do it alone and without help and support. I used to think it was a sign of strength and wisdom. It is absolutely the opposite. Actually taking care of you by seeking out help and support is an act of self-worth and love. I had my own adventure this month in arrogant stupidity.
I work with a patient GP who knows he is not going to win with me by shoving pills down my throat. We have tests done and wait things out before we medicate. And the reason for this is because when I was first diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis, the multiple doctors I saw all threw pills at me. I was on steroids, chemotherapy and metformin and other prescriptions. The results were to crash one of my kidneys. I am lucky it was only one. I was able through time to bring it up to 41% usage and it has been ok up until recently. Something shifted and something is wrong. I have not been feeling great in other physical ways for about a month. Silly me, I had an appointment coming up and so I waited. There is an issue, and so I have to go through a series of testing until they figure exactly out what. Meanwhile, I have been suffering and I should have gone in sooner. I wanted to escape exactly what I now have to face. Being stubborn about this only has made it worse. I could have had some relief sooner. I wonder how many people are foolish like me who procrastinate and only make things worse.
There are those whose suffering is a life sentence. There is help out there, but it takes courage to face the issues we all naturally have and a strong will to change the way we are. It takes time to find the right help and the right support. I have been blessed to have such great mentors and guides who have helped healed parts of my being that I did not even know were broken. Working on a Spiritual path and healing from past wounds is not for sissies or the weak. It is easy to say that we are above all that or that the person who is trying to help is wrong because we do not like what we hear. But we need help in shedding the old toxins and poisons and we need guidance to show us what we do not know. If you always do what you always do and expect change; that is the definition of insanity.
Sometimes the guidance comes from a friendly source. Sometimes it is just someone to share thoughts with, to dream with and to help focus a path to follow. We are not designed to be alone. We need to support each other and to ask for help. Love is the pure definition of support, especially when it is unconditional. We are here to grow and shine. Maybe the light has dimmed or the walls seem so unsurmountable that we want to give up. There is no shame in asking for a hand. It is human.
Sometimes we see the thing we need the most by helping others find their way. Sometimes we are the giver, and in giving we heal. But you also need to receive to refill your resources because it is easy to become depleted.
There are not enough words to express the gratitude I have for those who have helped me on my path and to help me heal. The only gift I can give them is to live the life they saw for me and to continue to grow and shine my light. I am humbled by the experiences I have had, the depth of the care and love they have shown me, and the patience to let me learn what it is to just be. I am by no means done with this work and I will continue to need support and guidance to grow. I am not embarrassed by this need, I am honored that I have been given the help. Thank you.