What is cycling

spinning top

I want to share part of the experience that I go through and have for the last two years. I refer to it as cycling. I did not know what it was even when I was doing it. But others did and they would wait patiently for me to return, as I always did . I think this effect is very common but I did not know that. But I will tell you I hated it. I still do, but I aware of it and more comfortable when I am in a spin.

So what is cycling? It is the pattern of experiencing jubilant happiness, almost to being high to the slamming down to extreme depression and then eventually even out. When I would go through one of these episodes, the high was very, very short lived but not so the depression. That would last and it would seem forever before I would find even footing.

I share this because I want anyone who is going through something similar to know it is ok. It is all part of the healing process. I did not know that. I would be over zealous in my short lived high. I would express love and joy and thought I had found nirvana only to cascade down and do what I called a face plant. It was a regular event. These episodes were brought on by therapy sessions of certain kinds that would induce extreme sensations and feelings. It was necessary to knock down the walls that I had created. I had to release so much and it was the manner that allowed that to happen. Fortunately for me, I have caring and loving people who support me.

I still cycle. Recently I experienced the sensation of feeling like I was a bit invincible. I was celebrating a new found space of comfort and growth. At first I was satiated and feeling Devine and then the downward thrust. It does not matter what caused it or what this particular episode was about because it is always the same. The good news is the time from high to low to even is much, much shorter and neither is as extreme. I can embrace the “even” sooner.

I share this now because part of what I am really “getting into” is the physiology of what happens in the brain and the body along with the spiritual components. Mind, body and spirit are totally intertwined. I find this all fascinating.


4 thoughts on “What is cycling

  1. I know this well, Jane. Sadly what usually follows the next day for me what I call the “super high days” (before the depression comes) is a migraine. I get the ones with the vision problems, then incoherency, numbness in any part of my body (once even included my teeth), nausea, and then the intense headache. Would have to go to bed with eye coverings and ear plugs. I would mentally use bio-feedback, sometimes it worked and sometimes not. This has been going on since August 18, 1985. First time happened when my grandmother’s casket was lowered into the grave. My finger with her ring on it went numb. I passed that off figuring it was just a reaction but with all the symptoms after that – I knew it was something else. The headache can last from 12-24 hours and then it is over but I am totally dysfunctional until it’s over. I can go months without one and then suddenly it starts again.My dad used to call them “mini strokes” and if you look “signs of a stroke” it will show the exact same symptoms. Problem then is I will never know if it is a real stroke or a migraine. With a stroke you need help within the hour. I can go months without one and then suddenly it happens again. Medication helps but it also takes away the super high days and I miss them! 🙂 But not the severe depression that follows. It was good to hear someone else has those r high days followed by depression that lasts so much longer.

    • Sometimes our body indicators are trying to tell us something. I think in the case of the ring, It was your Gram saying I will always be attached to you in some way. I used to when I was much younger have migraines so bad that my mother would see me start to turn green literally and I would have to go into a dark room with no noise. Fortunately, they passed and I have not had one since I was about 18. But I empathize. Luckily my cycling is less severe either way now. Take care.

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