photograph @jdemeis 2013
The world spins on today as I return from an extended vacation. I never realize how bad I need vacation until I actually slow down and get into the groove of not being in the groove. My whole being changes. My vibrations change, I can breathe deep and slow and the pain that normally permeates me in some fashion abates. This trip was the longest time away I have had in years. I had a new person taking care of the house and my complete faith in her helped me let go. It took a few days this time to become calm because I left in such turmoil about things.
The River brings such calm to me. I spent many hours in soft contemplation staring at the water. I thought a lot and I did not think at all. I was able to go beyond me and really feel nothing and everything at the same time.
When we first got there, the animals were not evident to me at all. Usually, the rocks below our porch are covered with geese, seagulls and ducks. There were none until the second day. I have to think my vibration was so negative that they stayed away. By the third day I had many visitors including Broken Wing who came every day. There is a mink who resides under the building that started coming out to fish and I snapped her image often. One day I went to the place near and in the water that I sit on and she was there. We actually looked at each other from about a couple of feet away for a while before she realized she should hide in the flowers. That sweet face is imprinted only in my head because I did not want to break the moment with my camera. The one being missing was my heron. Because the Osprey have really come back to the River, the herons are not as abundant. There is one rock that for the past years a heron will come and perch on. I must have at least a hundred shots of her. I call her Charlene. (I named the mink Flower) Charlene did not make an appearance until the fifth day there. I was so filled with joy to see her. She made only three other appearances the rest of the time. In all I took over 750 photos. I posted some yesterday with my blog story about BW.
It took me until yesterday, 24 hours after our return, to connect the feeling of the River here. As I sat in the garden I could again feel the calm, although not as easily. I had to really quiet my mind. A year ago, I would have no clue what I just said meant. What so naturally came to me at the River is within me always, I just need to put the crap away and let it come. Some of you will laugh when you read this, but I finally get “just be.” It was so easy up there to “just be” because all the usual offenses are not there. I am not working, no house to clean and maintain, no worries and no real demands. It will take work to bring that sense into my real life. This was the gift of this time away: To be able to completely get just being quiet and still. The still is the thing I did not get before. I am not sure if I could have gotten that here. Although I love my mind, it is not always my friend. I think too much. It was impossible for me to quiet my mind a year ago. I worked hard at learning to be able to meditate, which now comes fairly easy. But to really become still is something I need to become more proficient in.
I read a couple of great books while there. One I am still working on by Eckhart Tolle called Now. This was exactly what I needed to help guide me to the place of stillness. If you do not know what it is you can miss it. I am not going to go into what I learned because it is not possible for me to put the experience into words actually and I am sure it is different for everyone.
But now, I must move on with the day and put into practice what I learned. The River is in my soul and I must count that the peace is always there. I just need to be still to find her again.