The combination of planetary positions in today’s sky is a key element to your sign. Therefore, you need to think about making some big resolutions in your life, Jane. Your life is probably full of rich, exciting relationships, and you are probably quite satisfied with your career. Do you really feel that you’re living up to your aspirations for yourself? Is it possible you do what you do just to show off to other people? You have a fairly philosophical day ahead of you…
This has been a week of interesting messages and situations. I am so glad it is over for multiple reasons. I learned about spirit guides this week and that has been so very beneficial because I used one to help guide me though the hardest times this week. I have to thank my newest dear teacher for helping me understand and use a spirit guide. I had no idea. Seems we all have them and there are a series of roles they play but I never felt connected. She showed me how to sense and know. I have become aware that the voice in my head is not always my own. Wacky as that sounds to some, it is a truth for those who know guides. I have been working on knowing one particular guide and I am grateful that this is the one she taught me to hear. It is the Higher Self. She is the one who often speaks through when I am writing. She is the one who says very loudly, “take the higher road.” I had to do that this week. I am excited about learning more about spirit guides and how to work with them.
My first post this week was about a message I heard from a squirrel on Sunday about trust. (I have to laugh that if I read this post without context of all my other writing, other blogs and authors, and what I have been going through you would think I am certifiably nuts.) The squirrel’s message was a good base to go through the rest of the week. Trust myself and trust that the inner voices in my head, once weeded out had all the instructions I would need to survive and flourish. That’s the trick. It takes practice to learn to weed the ego out, the voice of the past that said failure is all you have, and the “you can’t do it” voice.
This week was started off with a visit to my dear friend and mentor who I have been working with for a year. The message that came from him was about healing my inner child. He also repaired some pain in my foot and ankle that was making walking painful. He is amazing. Upon reflection, I decided it was time to honor all the inner selves. There is one who I need to work with a bit more and she reared her little voice later in the week. She needs to be heard and then I will work with my teacher to comfort her and let her go back to where she should be.
Wednesday night’s message was one of great comfort. I attended my monthly healing circle and discovered that I am ok. I am where I should be and everything is fine in my spiritual growth. It was panacea I needed to be able to turn off the diligent work I have been doing for a while and just be.
Thursday brought a lot of anguish. I also started having a physical problem that manifested on Tuesday that has not happened for a long while. I had a diverticulitis attack. I knew that the sunflower seed kernels that I have been eating in my salad are the culprit. I did not listen to the voice that said, “danger Will Robinson”, when I bought them, ate them and then suffered. I knew better and yet I ignored the voice and paid the consequence for it. And the worse thing during an attack is to be stressed. It exacerbates the condition.
This week I had to do a presentation of the Pillar (strategic focus) I head to the whole Communication group. The Communication group is anyone who is a manger and up and facilitated by the CEO. I got through the presentation fine, even though one of my most threatening people had to interrupt me and question me right I the middle of it. I knew she would do it. She thrives on being a pain in the ass and has a big agenda with me. She did the job I am doing for nine years and moved on. Her chosen successor lasted less than a year and was fired. She has never been kind to me and never taught me a thing. Instead she takes it upon herself to challenge everything I do and often in public. I thought I handled it well and the presentation was ok. I spoke too quickly because standing there is like being a Milkbone biscuit in front of a pack of starving dogs. There is no love, just the impatience of you interrupting their day.
Later, I was going down the hall when the one remaining director asked me to step in her office. She told me in a laughing and kind voice that I needed to watch my facial expressions because I made a face at this woman. Now, I am unclear as if it was during the presentation or later, when she hammered someone else during their presentation. She lives to be caustic. I was not aware of it and said thank you to the director for her kind advice and we joked about this woman’s ability to be irritating and off I went.
The mood at work has been very uncomfortable for a long time. Actually, since the day I was hired I have struggled to be accepted because I am not a clinician. I do feel now that there is a very strong group of people who accept and respect me and there is an extremely strong bond between me and my direct right hand. She has the biggest influence of anyone in the company with the visiting staff. But there is another woman who I have been struggling with for about five months. She is very threatened by me. I have had multiple one on one conversations about this with her. I do not want her job. What she wants is the connection and acceptance I have by the clinical managers and senior nursing staff which we call Clinical Specialists. The problem is the CS nurses have absolutely no respect for her and they do not want to work for her. They requested earlier in the year to the VP that they report to me. Of course she found out about it. There is a very long explanation of how my relationship with this woman has deteriorated because of her total ineptitude. Unfortunately for me, her best friend is the VP of Clinical who has to hear her constant one sided complaints about me over cocktails. I have been called in twice to give an explanation of some major crisis she created and upon hearing my side, the VP had to agree that her friend was totally wrong. But people do not like to hear that their handpicked right hand person is a buffoon.
On Thursday, I was scheduled for my weekly meeting with my supervisor after she had pushed it off. I really like my boss. She is an administrator and sits on the board, however her title is director. This is why I will never become a director as one director cannot report to another. All the other Board members are VPs. She is the only who is titled Director. I think it is because she does not have the required Masters to be a director. What transpired in the meeting was not the message I expected. I had been written up for misconduct. Written up….. I have never had a written discipline in my career.
I am not going to go into detail of the stupidity of this action. I will tell you I was accused of some pretty petty, stupid things. The gist of it was I supposedly said things that were reported third hand and made a face….really? The accusation clearly said “I rolled my eyes”…. Really? They write up a disciplinary document for rolling eyes? If that were the case then three quarters of the company would be in issue, except the VP of Finance. His eyes are shut as he loudly snores in meetings. The funny thing is the accuser never used the words “rolled my eyes” when we spoke, she said I made a face. She also elaborated in her report that I said I hated this woman which is a bold lie. The action was also based on remarks made by the other woman who I have been struggling with for five months. Supposedly her accusations were based on comments said to her from another source. And that the report was based on her comments to the VP and then to my boss. Really? In other words, the accusations were based on gossip from one source. The same source who has been trying to discredit me for five months. My boss has been fully aware of the ongoing situation as I have talked to her in order to get advice about how to handle this woman. This sad soul has been at this company for forty years and was all the way to VP herself when she was removed and sent to IT to work as a clinical advisor. That was until her best friend resurrected her this year and made her a director. No one knows why she had been casted down because there are very few who are close to her or have been there that long. I am sure it is because she is insufferable. So now I have a disciplinary document that states that I rolled my eyes and that I supposedly said things. (I laughed later with someone that this is reminiscent of “She touched me” mentality) During the 2.5 hour interview I tried to hold my own. Remember that I am also feeling extremely poor with the gut issue from hell. Once it was just my boss and I, the little girl reared her little wounded head and I got very emotional. My boss can be the coldest bitch out there and even she had a tear in her eye. But the Higher Spirit was there and supported me and I did not cave or agree to the accusations in anyway. I did vehemently try to show them how one sided and ridiculous this was and no one could look at me in the eye.
Once home, I sat and thought about all that had happened. I was wounded only in the sense that I have put so much into my work. There were several messages I was to take away. The big one is that it was not about the petty issues, it was a warning from the VP of Clinical to back off. She wanted to throw her muscle by having my boss write this crap up and put me through this to show who is in charge. Hence my boss’s tear later as she could not say what really had transpired. The mentality of this work environment is stuck in the 80’s and it is not going to change. Nothing is ever going to change there and that is what they want. They do not want a change agent like I was hired to be. They want someone to validate that they are just fine….and they are not! Even though part of my job that I was hired for was to make change improvements, they do not want it. Better explained, the VP does not want it. I am the fifth person in a two year time frame who has come up to this point. Three left on their own volition because of the frustration. I know this because two of them were very close to me and we often talked. Two were eliminated when their job was dissolved.
I am getting this message loud and clear: Sit down, shut up and do as you’re told. Unfortunately it is not what I do. But then again I have not ever been in the place I am before. I am close to retirement and have money in the bank and a pension I am now old enough to tap from teaching. So when I saw this horoscope this morning, it was a pronounced message that I need to sit and think about what it is I want out of the next years. I need to really evaluate my intentions. The thing that is amazing to me is the messages I heard and saw after I left the rotten experience at work. Driving home, I saw a hawk flying overhead and it followed above for a brief part of my journey home. I saw another later that day closer to home. I also saw one perched on a pole the next day coming in. I saw two herons and they have been extremely rare lately. The most loud and clear message I got while driving was this voice that said that there was something coming that was going to be much better….now that is not the verbiage, but you don’t actually get words when you get messages like that. It is just a sense of clear understanding. That sense of a better situation has not left me.
My Higher Self scripted a written rebuttal where I gave my side of the story and refuted the lies based on facts they can verify if they wanted (which they won’t because they already know). I did not agree to the disciplinary document. I stood completely up for myself. I heard and felt the message that I need to take better care of my physical self and that I need to make that a priority. One message it is stark reality was very profound yet has made me giggle. I have been in the same office for almost two years. On Tuesday, my name plate with title fell off the wall. It crashed down and I made a joke to a passer bye that it was a message. He stuck it back up and said it meant nothing. Friday, when I came in the morning, it was on the floor again. Hmmmmm.
So I am off to the River with the hubby tomorrow. Already the short reprieve is healing my gut. The message to take care of myself will be heard and since I do not want to spend any more time in gut agony, I will be mindful of my food intake. We always overeat on vacation. I have lost the six pounds I put on recently this summer and I want to keep it off. I am going to bring my computer because I want to keep writing even if it is sporadic. I have my new camera and it will be my third appendage. I am so looking forward to the time to think and reflect, pray and meditate and in the truest sense just be. Namaste, everyone. Love……