I have started to write at least four different attempts this morning and I have trashed every single word. I was not going to write anything and but then all of a sudden this came out: I am in total sympathy for all who have some form of disability and mobility issues.
I have been fighting a battle for years to overcome an autoimmune induced arthritis. I have done pretty well in the past months, but this week, I am not so victorious. I take a very powerful drug which does not get rid of the disease, it suppresses my immune system. It is not something I want to use as it also has some nasty side effects which include a high probability of cancer. So I have not taken this drug for over two months. I was doing ok. NOW… I need to take a shot to slow the pain down. I hate this so much and I feel like a failure. (I was not going to complain here this morning but I maybe this might help someone else who is in my shoes. I also know some of my fellow bloggers fight similar battles.)
I am a reader of labels and because where I work, I see a lot of med orders. They have added this to the print out that you can get with some of your drugs. And I am paraphrasing: “your doctor has decided to give you this crap even though it is toxic and may kill you anyways because he has deemed it worth the gamble.” Take a look next time you fill a prescription. It is buried deep into the tons of rhetoric which they really hope you will not read.
I know that when I first was diagnosed, I was so grateful for whatever they gave me. I took so much poison in an attempt to get relief. Now granted, I was almost flat on my back by that point. My fingers started to curl up to the point I was unable to hold a pen. It was a pretty good indicator things were not as they should be. The pain was so imbedded in my body and constant that I was almost used to it. But then not being able to get around was the stopper for me. When I could not take a step up one day to get into my house, I was ready for anything that would make this go away.
And so I gobbled down the prednisone which put on thirty pounds and turned me into a raving bitch. They gave me methotrexate which I had to fill syringe and shoot into my gut. I developed a reaction to that drug that included mouth ulcers and liver issues. You should read the precautions for that medicine. I was on that for two long and started pissing blood and passing kidney stones like the golden goose. My sugar A1C went through the roof. So they gave me more drugs which impacted my kidneys. I now have one kidney that only works 41%. “Oh well,” they said, “you have two.” I was bounced from one doctor to another. And all shook their head and said, “here take this.”
I finally bitched to my rheumatologist who stopped the madness. He was on board with finding a solution that was more appropriate. Unfortunately, there is no cure. The only thing that can happen is they slow down the progression. I have been on the shot for over six years, and I am grateful for the relief it has given me. But this past year, it started to have some really nasty side effects. Hence my seeking for a more natural relief. I am so much better and I am very grateful to be able to go as long as I have without taking a shot.
So in sympathy and compassion, I send my love to all who suffer with some sort of crippling disease. I am nowhere as impacted as I could have been if I did not have the medicine available. But I hate that we have to make that choice of either or. I go to the doctor this afternoon, and if he says yes, I will take a shot tonight. I have to wait for clearance as I am still fighting an infection from that frigging spider bite. This drug will lower any ability I have to fight ANY infection. I just shake my head at the absurdity that I have to take something that will make me vulnerable to so much more. The tradeoff is huge.
I pray and ask that someday our health is not going to be governed by drug companies. I ask that we find solutions that cure and not mask symptoms. This is why I am such a believer in natural healing of any kind. This is why I study and want to learn as much as I can about the various therapies. So that someday, we use our minds, hearts and hands for healing instead of ingesting poison.