Spider lessons

cropped toeThe itsy bitsy spider climbed up my big toe and took a chomp. Who knew? I think this happened last week, but it is turned into an issue. It is so bad that I went to the Doctor, which I hate that I had to. He gave me antibiotic and a pain narcotic. The antibiotic I think is doing its thing. The pain pill, not so much. The pain started ever so slightly and I thought it was a gout attack. The bite did not appear until later and it was dark red and purple, with two white tots on the top. That was how I knew it was a spider bite. You can see them in the picture. The pain proceeded to the foot and today, I noticed the red around the joint connecting the big toe and foot and on the top of the foot. I have been taking pictures and I see an improvement on the big toe from Wednesday, but the pain is worse and deeper. What fun.

I am writing about this not to whine, but to talk about a few things that I have learned because of this. First off, I cannot walk or stand on it for long. Because this, I spent a great deal of the day in tears of frustration. I hate being impaired. I was miserable when the arthritis would have me in its grip. This is different and a sharper pain. Right now my foot is pulsing in pain to my heart beat. Nice! At least I have rhythm in my feet. I have learned I still do not have the patience to be a patient. I do not like to be in pain, but worse I do not like to be immobile. I have worked very hard to be healthier and be able to move. I learned to appreciate the ability I have gained before this happened and with that knowledge, I know that I will be back to it again soon. This is a lesson in awareness so that I will remember and be grateful for the ability to move. There are many who cannot. I will not take it for granted.

I have learned about the power of the toe. I never realized how much we rely on those little digits for balance, walking and to be able to stand up without toppling. I am acutely aware I drive with my big toe. I had to do a lot of driving last week and became aware pretty quickly how much I use my toe on the gas petal. I have a friend who lost one of his toes in an accident and now I understand how tragic that is. I am also intensely aware of how much pain can radiate from that area. For all those who have had a lower limb or digit severed: you are very brave. My father was an amputee from the thigh down. This is hard to admit, but I never understood what he must have gone through.  I gained some sensitivity and awareness in my dealings with my parents because of this.

This was a humbling experience because I could not resolve the issue myself. I think, instead, I made it worse by not going to the doctor sooner. It really was slow to progress and last week I was able to move about. The pain did not get bad until almost a week after I first noticed it. And I think it was because the infection got bad and was out of control. Lesson learned: I am not going to be able to heal everything. Having venom injected into you is one of those out of control situations. I probably would have been better to get on the antibiotics sooner. I am improving because of the drug. I started writing this last night and this morning, the red is calming down. However, I am disappointed that I could not take care of this myself. There have been moments when I could get the pain level down. During my Reiki class I did not even notice it. Lesson learned: I am but a humble mortal with lots to learn.

I also learned I am blessed with a lot of great friends who were willing to help me out. I have an event happening at my house on Tuesday night which I am excited about. I wanted the house cleaned and spruced. There were a ton of chores outside that I needed to have done and some painting. They did not get done. I did have help in the house and I am grateful for the friend who came over to help me. It was mutual help as she needed the money. She actually enjoys cleaning…..who does that? Not me. I would rather do just about anything than clean. My lesson was to know who will be there when I need them. I also learned that I need to be careful in the future and I will be. I delight in helping people out when I can, but it needs to be reciprocal to be a friendship. Otherwise, it is charity or I am a fool being played.

I am grateful for all I have learned from this experience. As I go through the rest of my life, I will have my eyes and ears open for lessons. There is an opportunity to always learn from adverse situations. And when you look at things with hope that there is a chance to learn from it, it helps to buffer the bad stuff. Just watch your toes.




One thought on “Spider lessons

  1. Yes, the power of the toe! I recall hurting my little finger once, and quickly realizing just how often I regularly bumped it against any and every thing that I came near. I don’t know how our digits survive! Anyway, glad that you are on the mend, and that you were able to glean greater wisdom in your life from unfortunate circumstances. That, in itself, is a rare ability. Namaste . .

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