The itsy bitsy spider climbed up my big toe and took a chomp. Who knew? I think this happened last week, but it is turned into an issue. It is so bad that I went to the Doctor, which I hate that I had to. He gave me antibiotic and a pain narcotic. The antibiotic I think is doing its thing. The pain pill, not so much. The pain started ever so slightly and I thought it was a gout attack. The bite did not appear until later and it was dark red and purple, with two white tots on the top. That was how I knew it was a spider bite. You can see them in the picture. The pain proceeded to the foot and today, I noticed the red around the joint connecting the big toe and foot and on the top of the foot. I have been taking pictures and I see an improvement on the big toe from Wednesday, but the pain is worse and deeper. What fun.
I am writing about this not to whine, but to talk about a few things that I have learned because of this. First off, I cannot walk or stand on it for long. Because this, I spent a great deal of the day in tears of frustration. I hate being impaired. I was miserable when the arthritis would have me in its grip. This is different and a sharper pain. Right now my foot is pulsing in pain to my heart beat. Nice! At least I have rhythm in my feet. I have learned I still do not have the patience to be a patient. I do not like to be in pain, but worse I do not like to be immobile. I have worked very hard to be healthier and be able to move. I learned to appreciate the ability I have gained before this happened and with that knowledge, I know that I will be back to it again soon. This is a lesson in awareness so that I will remember and be grateful for the ability to move. There are many who cannot. I will not take it for granted.
I have learned about the power of the toe. I never realized how much we rely on those little digits for balance, walking and to be able to stand up without toppling. I am acutely aware I drive with my big toe. I had to do a lot of driving last week and became aware pretty quickly how much I use my toe on the gas petal. I have a friend who lost one of his toes in an accident and now I understand how tragic that is. I am also intensely aware of how much pain can radiate from that area. For all those who have had a lower limb or digit severed: you are very brave. My father was an amputee from the thigh down. This is hard to admit, but I never understood what he must have gone through. I gained some sensitivity and awareness in my dealings with my parents because of this.
This was a humbling experience because I could not resolve the issue myself. I think, instead, I made it worse by not going to the doctor sooner. It really was slow to progress and last week I was able to move about. The pain did not get bad until almost a week after I first noticed it. And I think it was because the infection got bad and was out of control. Lesson learned: I am not going to be able to heal everything. Having venom injected into you is one of those out of control situations. I probably would have been better to get on the antibiotics sooner. I am improving because of the drug. I started writing this last night and this morning, the red is calming down. However, I am disappointed that I could not take care of this myself. There have been moments when I could get the pain level down. During my Reiki class I did not even notice it. Lesson learned: I am but a humble mortal with lots to learn.
I also learned I am blessed with a lot of great friends who were willing to help me out. I have an event happening at my house on Tuesday night which I am excited about. I wanted the house cleaned and spruced. There were a ton of chores outside that I needed to have done and some painting. They did not get done. I did have help in the house and I am grateful for the friend who came over to help me. It was mutual help as she needed the money. She actually enjoys cleaning…..who does that? Not me. I would rather do just about anything than clean. My lesson was to know who will be there when I need them. I also learned that I need to be careful in the future and I will be. I delight in helping people out when I can, but it needs to be reciprocal to be a friendship. Otherwise, it is charity or I am a fool being played.
I am grateful for all I have learned from this experience. As I go through the rest of my life, I will have my eyes and ears open for lessons. There is an opportunity to always learn from adverse situations. And when you look at things with hope that there is a chance to learn from it, it helps to buffer the bad stuff. Just watch your toes.