When the fuel tank is low

What do you do when your fuel tank is on empty? Although I want to say women, I know this syndrome is not gender bias anymore. There are many men as well as most women who give until there is nothing left. Mine has been on E for a while. I was not taught in my past life to consider the option of really taking care of me first, in order to have the strength to help others. I found resources that have guided me to the fuel tanks and have shown me how to replenish my reserves. It not something I do without great thought because the guilt, if I allow it, can push me to not do it. So I thought I would jot down some of the ways I recharge and maybe, kind reader, you will share your thoughts.
My number one fuel source is water. In it, on it or near it. I live very near to a huge lake, and the pull is very strong. So strong, my husband knows that when I am low, he takes me to the lake and I will recharge. I have to learn to go on my own, and walk the pier, or dangle my feet in the waves. My number one recharge spot is the St. Lawrence River. I connected with that water the first time I saw it many years ago. Sometimes her power is so strong, there is almost fear of allowing myself to give completely to her. The trip to the River is arduous in the winter. We only journey after the weather breaks because you can go up in sun and come home in a blizzard. One day I hope to live on the River and completely earn the title River Rat.
My next recharge spot is my garden. I love nature, and as trite as that sounds, it is true. I can sit in a forest and be perfectly calm and connected. I have been that way my whole life. Green is good and Mother is a connector for me. I am making myself sit in my newly redone backyard in my new chairs. This is a totally hedonistic activity which only makes me a human. I am learning that this recharge gives me the strength to complete my day and give thanks for all that happened. I have an abundance of birds and small animals that visit, and my dog helps by keeping me safe from tyrannical squirrels. It is true bliss.
I realized last night that I need to find resources to sustain me when I am unable to get to my fueling resources. I have to either find them internally or work on my winter environment. I love projects. One year I filled the back bedroom with my annuals because I could not stand to let them die. It was not a great idea as they were supposed to go and the only thing that survived was the spiders and bugs I brought in with them. I was trying to thwart Mother. Does not work.
I am glad that I can now comprehend that taking care of me is not selfish. We all need time to be at peace and recharge. That is part of the big picture. Besides, when you are zooming at 90 miles an hour, the burn out is faster and more critical. I am getting it down to a comfortable 40 mph with more respites at scenic views.


One thought on “When the fuel tank is low

  1. You have found the greatest salve – Nature. Nothing works better than that. The flow of the water, the dance of the sun, the singing of the birds. Realize that this is a feeling, and then work in meditation, indoors, to bring that feeling to the forefront absent of being in the environment. It can be done, and may be a big help to you. Namaste . . .

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